tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post562334513616349150..comments2019-06-19T15:30:43.370+01:00Comments on Project Authenticity: On Being A Nice GirlKit Parkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15652828567741384302noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-76688657750455514462013-03-16T05:38:42.284+00:002013-03-16T05:38:42.284+00:00"Gradually though, I'm becoming more accu...<i>"Gradually though, I'm becoming more accustomed to the ambient threat of being called a 'rhymes with witch' for having strong opinions on certain subjects. It's about learning to be okay with being framed as someone else's Bad Guy, I think."</i><br /><br />Yup, that's how I am. I'm at the point where I don't care if I'm called names (I've been called so many names that I've become mostly immune to it), because I've gotten to the point where I'm too tired to take crap.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-10949247570104143642013-03-16T00:31:55.421+00:002013-03-16T00:31:55.421+00:00BOUNDARIES and SAYING NO are big issues of mine to...BOUNDARIES and SAYING NO are big issues of mine too, though something I've been working on. (And yes... another member of the awkward army!) I've never thought about it quite the way you've put it here though. Food for thought, a valuable perspective. Thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-5416340488145105852013-03-15T21:54:28.493+00:002013-03-15T21:54:28.493+00:00Well, enjoy the read when you get around to it (bu...Well, enjoy the read when you get around to it (but I have to say I also found the book somewhat disconcerting in places). <br />I'll add the Handmaid's Tale to my list now, cheers! Kaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-80289388819869928482013-03-15T12:41:24.037+00:002013-03-15T12:41:24.037+00:00Hi Kay - no, I haven't read 'Cat's Eye...Hi Kay - no, I haven't read 'Cat's Eye', but I've been meaning to read more Atwood! 'The Handmaid's Tale' is one of my favourite novels. I will add 'Cat's Eye' to my reading list, thanks!Kit Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15652828567741384302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-49495675278859688642013-03-15T12:39:02.079+00:002013-03-15T12:39:02.079+00:00I agree. I can recall several occasions when I wa...I agree. I can recall several occasions when I was younger where I would hold off on giving an opinion or stating a want, because I genuinely did not have the skill of reading my own desires, and had been so thoroughly trained in picking up on the subtle signs of what someone else wanted so I could give the 'right' answer, ie the one they wanted to hear. If I stated a desire or opinion that didn't line up with the desires or opinions of the person I was talking to, then that was the 'wrong' answer and it was time to backpedal like crazy. I got all the way to my mid-twenties before I even realised I was doing this. It was such an ingrained autopilot. :( Thanks for commenting!Kit Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15652828567741384302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-6716754556898062322013-03-15T11:56:31.586+00:002013-03-15T11:56:31.586+00:00Hi, I too came over here from Captain Awkward. Gre...Hi, I too came over here from Captain Awkward. Great post, as a young woman I've made similar experiences and I SO agree with what you say. <br />Now I'm looking forward to read more posts from you! :)<br /><br />(Your post also made me think of 'Cat's Eye' by Margaret Atwood; do you know it by any chance? It's a novel about a woman growing up in post-war Canada, and the friendships / relationships she has with other girls...)<br /><br />Best, KayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-33757028740320054242013-03-15T10:43:47.290+00:002013-03-15T10:43:47.290+00:00Another Awkward reader, bearing his own perspectiv...Another Awkward reader, bearing his own perspective: you are entirely and tragically correct that training girls to devalue their own desires cripples their defenses against people with ill intentions toward them, but it goes even further than that. I am a dude who bases his relationships with women on the principle that you say what you want, I say what I want, and we work together to make as much as possible of what we both want happen. (Late hour + wine = terrible phrasing, sorry) And I have been having various troubles with various partners' abilities to be forthcoming about what they want. I hope I am not someone with ill intentions toward them. I do everything I know to do to maintain the best intentions, without totally ignoring my own desires, and still we are limited by their proficiency at articulating what they do and do not want. I am not at all claiming that women's problems with saying Yes are as grave as their problems with saying No, but... the problems are there nonetheless.Quinapalusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-5994208211678458522013-03-15T10:02:47.409+00:002013-03-15T10:02:47.409+00:00Found this post through Captain Awkward, and I rea...Found this post through Captain Awkward, and I really enjoyed it. I don't have children but I imagine this is something that I'd try very hard to avoid, i.e. teaching that niceness = sacrificing your own wants and needs in order to please everyone around you, instead of nice = be kind to other humans (and animals! And the environment!), but your boundaries are important and you deserve to be respected (and if people have a problem with this, they’re the ones who aren’t being nice. Not you). Elisenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-33456945703882378262013-03-15T06:51:29.230+00:002013-03-15T06:51:29.230+00:00"You run in a pack if you want to live."..."You run in a pack if you want to live."<br /><br />Thanks for reminding me why I'm so, so happy to be an adult.cinderkeyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01578961959712679966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-10116909177041687392013-03-15T00:34:43.391+00:002013-03-15T00:34:43.391+00:00I feel your rage, sister. Gradually though, I'...I feel your rage, sister. Gradually though, I'm becoming more accustomed to the ambient threat of being called a 'rhymes with witch' for having strong opinions on certain subjects. It's about learning to be okay with being framed as someone else's Bad Guy, I think. I'm finding it takes practice to take being called a bitch without feeling like I therefore am one, but practice makes perfect and I'm getting there!Kit Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15652828567741384302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-18669371251079878342013-03-15T00:21:16.892+00:002013-03-15T00:21:16.892+00:00Thank you for writing this. I saw this linked at C...Thank you for writing this. I saw this linked at Captain Awkward. I wholeheartedly agree with this. Girls are constantly conditioned to be accommodating and to put their needs last, which causes them to grow up to be women who are too afraid to say "NO!" and are too afraid to defend themselves. Men are allowed to be assertive, but if a woman is she's called a word that rhymes with "witch." The double standard is so ridiculous.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-54778137346431706522013-03-13T16:24:24.923+00:002013-03-13T16:24:24.923+00:00Why thank you, kind stranger. I'm glad you ag...Why thank you, kind stranger. I'm glad you agree. :)Kit Parkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15652828567741384302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1030110743394824709.post-81552250621229637512013-03-13T16:00:06.257+00:002013-03-13T16:00:06.257+00:00Ne'er a truer word was spoken.
Really enjoyed ...Ne'er a truer word was spoken.<br />Really enjoyed this post xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com