Thursday 28 May 2015

The Katy and the Brain

Tuesday Morning

Brain:  Psst. Wake up. It's four thirty AM and you need to pee.

Kate:  Urgggh.  [shambles to the smallest room]  [blunders back to bed]  Snorgle.

Brain:  Muahahaha! And now for a seemingly endless dream sequence in which you are on a bus to college and you've just remembered there's a history test this morning and you didn't study over the long weekend and neither did you pay any attention in class last week and you're going to fail horribly at everything ever because you never bother to put in enough effort and you suck.

Kate:  THANKS A FUCKING BUNCH BRAIN

[alarm clock 7am jingle]

Kate:  Oh god.  Everything is awful.

[entire day of unshakable impending history test doom feeling for no god damned reason]

Kate:  You and me are getting an early night tonight, Brain.

Brain:  Okay cool.  No worries.

[snnnoooorrrrrre]

Wednesday Morning

Brain:  WAKE UP QUICK it's six AM and you're dreaming about choking on a mouthful of tuna mayonnaise that's infested with unused staples!  Panic stations panic stations!

Kate:  OH GOD  *hack*  *hurk*  BRAIN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

Brain:  QUICK RUN FOR THE TOILET YOU'RE LEGIT GOING TO PUKE

Kate:  [stumbles to the smallest room]  Do I feel sick because of the dream or did I have the dream because I feel sick?  Do I have food poisoning?  What is even happening right now?

Brain:  WHO KNOWS AWOOGA AWOOGA EVERYTHING IS AWFUL

[ten minutes of sipping water and breathing pass with no actual puking]

Kate:  Brain.  I'm not ill.  This is a panic attack.  What the fuck.

Brain:  Good morning!  Enjoy not getting back to sleep!

Kate:  ¬_¬

This Morning

Brain:  Psst.  Hey Kate.  No it's cool, don't wake up.  I just want to apologise really.  I've been a dick to you over the past forty eight hours, and I'm sorry.  Let me make it up to you.  Would you like a nice dream, full of nice things?  I can do that.  Here's that lovely human being that you were so dotty about a few months ago; the one that was completely unsuitable and unavailable.  Look, I can make them like you!  Isn't that nice?  You kids run along and have fun now.  It's on me.

[alarm clock 7am jingle]

Kate:  Mmm, that was...  OH JESUS WHY

[general emotional flailing]

[tries to fling away the big happy FEELINGSBUNDLE]

[FEELINGSBUNDLE sticks to palms of hands most obstinately]

[deep breaths]

Kate:  Um.  Brain?  I appreciate what you tried to do there.  I really do.  It was... a very nice treat.  But can I just... um... I think you left something behind here...  I don't particularly want these feelings, I mean, it was hard enough getting rid of them the first time, so could you just... take them, and put them somewhere?  Maybe?  Yes?

[silence]

Kate:  Brain?  Helllloooo?

[silence]

Kate:  [looks down at the big happy FEELINGSBUNDLE]

FEELINGSBUNDLE:  Hi! It's so nice to be back! This is fun!

Kate:  Oh FUCKING HELL  >.<